Lets kick off the new year by going somewhere most people wont. My eyes turn golden and I can feel the warmth running through my veins as my brain calls out in desperation for a hideout in the bliss of the miracle of chemistry. My heart is pumping bad as I elevate in a state of longing for the high of days of future passed. I balance on the ball of lust and seek for the embrace of what once was and what could be again only if I give in to the cravings of laser focused reality where everything makes sense and I can kick back and feel the time pass through me like a pulsing sensation. How I long back to the lakes of pleasure, bathing in the warm water of the white miracle and immerse myself in the focal point of the heart beat of the world. What a bliss, what a feeling, what a perfect being in the moment. The world on the pin point of a needle shining brighter than ever. Its the perfect moment stretching onwards for hours and hours and the bright light bathes my faces and gently caresses my soul to become one with the universe. Such thrill, such joy, for now and as appealing it sounds and as much as the cravings for the chemical perfection pounds my head I know it is a trip to the end of the universe from where I have to crawled battered and mangled. You see, there is a price, there always is a price and as a service is rendered one departs with something in exchange and for me the payment is hours and hours of shearing pain, agony and heart ripping anxiety lasting many times over with shallow breath and terror in the eyes. Is it all worth it? Parts of me say yes and yearn to return to the perfect moment and bask in its bright light but the majority of me screams out in fear of the pain and agony and that really is the nut of it all. Why would I dip into the pool of liquid pleasure when I know Im going to nearly drown in it? What is the drive behind a momentary bliss being replaced with some of the most horrible inner pain you can imagine? Why do we do it? What drives us to this inner self mutilation? The simple answer is, to feel something out of the ordinary to escape the mortally boring every day where we grind our lives away for pieces of paper and plastic necessary to maintain ourselves. It is natural for a living being to crave experience beyond the cyclic mundane in the world and the easiest way to do that is embracing the miracles of chemistry from which we receive our experiences of pleasure and altered state even if the cost is high and sometimes even fatal. We commit to inner self mutilation to escape boredom, listlessness and the endless cycle of repition. Simply put, like any other living being we need stimulation and the chemical miracles provide it. Can we be blamed? Can we be punished by following natural pathways in our lives or more importantly, should we be punished for it. We are ready to step into another world even if the journey back mangles us and tears us apart and we do it again and again without hesitation. Shouldnt it be part of our prime rights to make these journeys without judgement? If we teach our children about all the journeys possible and what it means to return from chemically induced worlds and let them embrace the facts of life that altering our states is a natural way of experiencing life, wouldnt we change the world to the better?